Pagod
hapong hapo na ako
laging sa baba nakatingin
di makahagilap ng hininga
bagsak na ang balikat
sa krus na pasan
gamundo ang bigat
di na makagalaw
nangingig na ang tuhod
tagaktak ang pawis
unti-unting tumutulo
nakihalo sa dugo na bumubulwak
mula sa nakabuyangyang na mga sugat
pulang-pula...
kinukusot ang mata
wala naman tumutulong luha
ubos na ata, di kaya ay said na?
kapagdaka, napaluhod, napahinuhod
nagdasal ng taimtim
panginoon bitbitin ang krus na pasanin.
indio
may 6, 2005
Along came the rain
It begins to rain, so i run under the bridge, near the church where I always hang-out.
It is nice here under this bridge, the rain doesn't get to me, just the chill, better just the chill instead of being both wet and chilled. Brrr...I stare at the church. I put both my arms around me, damn! it's cold. I see all the people with their heads bent, trying to take cover under their small bags, or their pitiful wet newpapers, or under their umbrellas. Hurrying towards different directions, maybe home? Then again maybe somewhere else.
I wonder sometimes what it feels like to have direction? To actually know where I am going. To go south because it is warm. Or maybe head east to where the sun rises. Why not head west? And watch the sun as it dips in the ocean....I couldn't consider north right now, am too chilled to even think of going North...bbbbrrrr...(grin).
The church bells ring, the mass has ended. More people will be filling the streets soon, emptying the church. The rain is getting worse and it is getting late. I wonder why all these peole, who sat for one hour (maybe even two?, listen to a perfect stranger give out sermons, most of which they only hear but never listen to....and end up hurrying home because it is getting late? Do they really believe in God? Is there really a God?
Why hurry home anyway? Where is home? What is home? Who is waiting at home? I don't know what these people think when they think of home. I don't like to think of their homes but of ...gruummm......bbbbblllllleee. there goes my stomach.
Stupid rain, stupid timing, stupid church people. Everything is wet, I can't even get to the garbage cans and piles, stupid truck just passed and cleared that too. now I have to stay under this bridge and try to keep warm, but it's so cold, and I'm so hungry. Maybe, I should take a nap. Maybe, when I wake up the God of the church over there will stop the rain, and my stomach wouldn't grumble as hard. I can't keep my eyes open. But then again, why fight it?
This feels nice...close my eyes, it feels good, floating, feels like I am being rocked to sleep, being embraced. I don't feel cold anymore, i don't feel hungry anymore, hmmmm...it is good not to breathe anymore it hurts to breathe. This is good. I should do this more often....maybe....if those cops will stop staring at me and stop trying to resuscitate me should just stop, and maybe, these onlookers, instead of pointing and pointing and screaming should just do what they normally do...just walk with their heads down...and as always no one listens, nobody pays attention, no one actually sees me, they can't hear me anymore. Maybe now I will get to meet that so called God of theirs. Maybe, just maybe, I will get this wish...
Sa pagmamadali
Minsan akala mo dapat magmadali ka. bakit ba parang ang tao ay laging nakatingin sa kanyang relo. Nadadapa, nagkakandarapa, marating lang sa kung saan-sang sulok ng mundo na sila lang ang nakaka-alam kung saan. Di na napapansin and mabagal na pag-inog ng mundo, and pamumukadkad ng mga bulaklak ang malumanay na haplos ng hangin sa pisngi.
Lagi kang nagmamadali. Bakit? Sa palagay mo ba di ka mahahabol ng misteryosong orasan ng buhay at kamatayan? Tumatakas ka ba? o sadyang tanga lang? Palagay mo walang makakapansin sa iyo. Pero di ba mas maganda naman talaga ang napapansin tayo kahit minsan? para naman kahit paano matatak tayo sa mapa ng panahon? isang marka sa tuloy-tuloy na umiinog na mundo?
Bilisan mo! bakit ka makikinig sa mga taong nagsasabi nito? Magagawa rin naman ang lahat sa nakatakdang oras. Ipinanganak ka ng walang nakakaalam sa kung kelan ang eksaktong oras ka iluluwal ng iyong ina. pero andito ka, humihinga. masasabi mo rin ba na sa ganitong petsa, sa ganitong araw, sa ganitong oras, patay ka na?
umupo ka muna. tignan mo ang kapaligiran mo. ilan na ba ang sakripisyong ginawa mo? nagbigay pugay ka na ba sa mga taong tumulong at gumabay sa iyo? palagay mo? mag-isa mo lang ba talagang narating ang rurok ng tinatamasa mo ngayong mataas na kinatatayuan? magapasalamat ka, sabihan mo sila ng "salamat".... huminga ka muna, namnamin ang paghinga, tumingala sa langit, mag-tampisaw sa dagat. malay mo bukas patay ka na... tulad ko na nagmamadali, tumawid ng nakatingin sa orasan at di napansin ang rumaragasang trak ng basura....hindi ba sayang? dahil lang sa akala kong importanteng orasan ako ngayon ay narito, isang bangkay, mag-isa sa kanyang himlayan.
---indio
